life, love & sex.

So I started to think about the birds and the butterflies. You know; Sex, love and life and everything in between. And how confusing one with another can mess up your mental health and how we try so hard to convince one of it is another. Let me say, sex is not love and arguably life is not love. And the moment you believe what some neurotic person said, something like “you don’t really live until you fall in love or something,” you’re doomed. Doomed for life. And from then on you start living your life thinking you’re some pathetic lonely person who’s gonna die alone and you’re not pretty or worth of anything, but like really? stop whatever the television shows you're watching.


Now don’t get me wrong, falling in love is a beautiful thing. but it’s not everything and certainly not something you should do just because you’re lonely. Its something that must happen because someone brings more color to your life. You should never be with someone to add color to your life.


Now sex, love and all these things can be confusing. Or we make them to be. Or we just pretend them to be so we can tell ourselves all the mindless orgasms are out of love or all the heartache we bear for love is worth it ‘cos life is like that. As long as there’s someone to blame I think we’re all fine with sex, love and life and living in a constant confusion.


I wonder why we even have sex? Most of the time it’s just to make yourself feel good, to tell yourselves that you still got it. But what you should know is sex is not that hard to find, specially when no-one makes love anymore like in those old Hollywood movies. Walk in the parks and holding hands are silly acts, it’s all about closed doors and beds now. so when you tap some ass, spare me the details, it only annoys me and shows your insecurities. getting laid is so mediocre, Do we even believe anyone below thirteen is a virgin anymore? Even if they hardly knew how to kiss properly or give a toe clutching blow job while you could hear his heart pumping out of his chest?


We all have become just animals running after our next prey. Not that I’m saying that there’s anything wrong with it. As long as you knows who's the hunter and who's the prey. Someone said “there’s only a little difference between being sexually liberated and being used.” And that's the same meaning I wanna bring to the terms man whore and a slut. And I wish people knew the difference between quantity and quality and cute smile and puppy eyes is not quality.


Now, wondering the difference between a man whore and a slut? Slut is cheap hooker who’d sleep with anyone or anything to make themselves feel good. To feel you’re worth it, only to be used and dumped like a piece of trash most probably. But these ones are no any less proud about all the meat they’ve had. A Man whore on the other hand are a sacred kind. They sure do sleep with a many of them but they select and choose who they want. Now the next time you use these term, do responsibly.


I know life, love and sex can bring us down sometime. But it all comes down to the control we all have on each of it. Don’t believe what anyone say, make your own rules. Don’t wait for someone to come and love you, start today by loving yourself. Make your life happen. Don’t let anybody tell you, you can’t. its these simple things that will go a long way. so when sex happens you'll have control. when love happens, you'll be whole anyway. and if life brings you down, you'll know how to get right back up.


So believe. Live. Love and make love.

Break Another Little Piece Of My Heart!

The thing about break ups is nomatter how many you’ve had before, the next one always hurts the worst, It’s like you somehow manage to fall a little deeper each time. Give a little more. Wish a little harder. And nomatter who calls the shots, the pain is never any less. It’s like we always wish for a little more, more memories, more pain, more damage. Maybe instead of getting wiser, every time we fall in love we lose a little more of our heads with our hearts. What if we give away a little piece of our hearts everytime we fall in love and eventually we ran out?

Sometimes love is like a great trailer to a movie we never got to see. We build all these hopes and expectations that we crash even harder. Better the memories, greater the pain. Why do we always let someone in so that they can walk away leaving memories so bitter sweet that you’re never sure if you’d ever pick yourself up from the floor? Why do we always wish for happiness like it’s a missing puzzle wrapped in someone else’s fingers? Are we just looking for someone to blame when everything fails?

Can we love someone too much that we have to let go?

Maybe it’s not so much the pain of losing. It’s the fact that they move on without us that hurts. As much as it hurts to imagine them being touched by someone else, It’s also a competitions, who will get laid before, who will find someone else first. There’s only gonna be more songs that we’re never gonna be able to listen to. Moment that will go back to that will make us smile for a moment and break us a little more forever. Friends that will be put in spot, friends that will have to come for rescue. Calories that will take years to take off. Dark circles under our eyes and silly break up songs that will make even Taylor Swift look cliché.

Numbers just keep going higher and chances just keep going lower with hope that someday we all will find love; the teaching that we all have that someone special who will sweep us off our feet. Maybe it’s that our expectations are too high and our tolerance levels are too low, we all want love but noone want to compromise. whatever it maybe, where is the love? We keep looking, we keep longing, maybe all the wrong things at the wrong places. But hearts are meant to love, not for perfections. Maybe they should have come with their owe virus guard, a programme that could erase all the pain instantly. That one day you’re gonna wake up feeling like everything fine.

If anything a break up should teach us is not to fall in love, but, maybe the wonder in it is that we still do. That’s what magical. Maybe its better to love with a broken heart, that you will hve that many little pieces to love with.

It’s this unbearable feeling of loneliness that kills you the most. The feeling that keeps you from turning off the lights and falling asleep. Just as you have gotten over the fear of monsters and scary creature under your bed, There comes a feeling that scares you the most, Loneliness. It doesn’t matter even if you have been a long distance relationship for months, the moment things fall apart this wave of emotions hit you like you’re all alone in a tiny room. Nomatter who’s by your side this feeling cannot be fought. Maybe it’s this feeling of loneliness that drives us to the utter madness of falling in love again.

I can’t even begin to understand why we keep doing this over and over and over again. Jump head first hoping to be saved. It’s a good thing that hearts don’t wear out with each heartache. It’s a good thing heart attacks are not caused by loving too much? How long would we have lived for? With all this pain and heartache I can’t stop but ask myself, eventually we will all find love, right?

Faith!

So the church going, praying two times a day, go partying wearing a rosary around his neck boy walked into a room with an upside down cross. it felt weird. Evil. I thought for a minute what to say? Then I thought if I should say anything at all? It’s 21st century and everyone has the right for self-expression, it rude to question anyone’s’ artistic or in my head devilish expressions. Everytime I looked at the cross, I had images of Jesus in my head, what would he say? Would he condemn me for not proclaiming his power?

I was wearing a rosary around my neck and my friend said “that’s very offensive,” my other friend pointed at the African tribal necklace she was wearing and said “well X someone would find what you’re wearing offensive.” So faith? Does it need defending?

When the Da Vinci code was released and when it was banned I thought to myself, I believe in Jesus. He came, died on the cross and delivered what he was supposed to. It didn’t matter to me if he was married or had a child. Some one might question if it’s faith or just justification? But why should it really matter as long as he saved the world.

Faith is not just about religion. It’s faith in ourselves. In the ones we love. Faith that everything is gonna be alright. Tell me, would you rather have faith in me and keep me or doubt me and lose me? Why is it so hard to believe that I honestly care for u! I believe it’s a gift to have the power to believe in something you can’t see, touch or explain. What’s love? What good if you don’t wanna just close your eyes and just jump head first, not even knowing someone would catch you!

It’s amazing how we could get into a cab and trust a stranger with our lives. Its funny how we can pick up some guy and have a one-night stand, but when it comes to love, creeps in all the doubts. Isn’t easier when u believe in something.? When you have something to hold on to, somebody to blame. What use if we don’t have the power to believe in something we can touch. Something we can’t see. But just feel all around us. Is love that unreal? A touch that makes you feel everything’s gonna be ok. All you’ve just gotta have is some Faith-ah, faith-ah-faith-ah!

Call me crazy but I have faith in wishing on fallen eyelashes, 11:11 and totally, totally on shooting stars. And nomatter how many times I’ve been disappointed, I still have faith that as promised love will indeed conquer it all!

Faith is a gift, I believe! Sometimes to close your eyes and tell yourself that everyday is not gonna be the same. To look into the eyes of someone you love and know, they didn’t really mean to hurt you. Hold the hand of someone you love and know, goodbyes are not forever. It takes faith. I don’t know how to learn it, how to teach it or even how to preach it. It’s a wonderful gift.

We’ve all been let down and misunderstood. It’s not somuch religion but everything around us. Maybe it’s true, we just need something to hang on to, something to blame on when we screw up, but to hell with it, it feels dama good to believe. It dosen’t really matter what you believe in, Jesus or Lady Gaga, we all need something to hang onto. Something to pull us through our darkest times and without faith everything is just empty. So all I want is for you to believe. Have some faith in something. Preferably Me.
You.
And Love.

Or I'll Shoot Myself!

He held the gun to his head.
Tell me,
or I’ll shoot myself.
He was just two feet away from him.
Why didn’t he point the gun at him?
Don’t say it’s love!
Is love that strong?

It would have been so damn effective,
He would have told what he wanted to hear.
But he held the gun to his own head.
Yet, he told what he wanted to hear.
Why didn’t he let him die?
Don’t say it’s love.
Is love that strong?

What did he want to hear?
Tell me,
Or I’ll shoot myself!

I Just Want Someone!

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want somebody to stand in the rain with me. Hold my hand when waves touch my feet. Kiss me when the wind mess up my hair. Share ice cream and hug me to sleep.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want someone to watch American idol with. Just spend hours without uttering a word. Call a fool just because I want to. Someone I can send random texts to.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want someone I can wake up in the middle of the night just because I feel lonely. Ask the silliest question. To get naughty and be called good.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want someone to sit by me to all the silly chick flicks. Someone I can bug with when my best friend is being a bitch. Hide under when the whole world is a bitch. Someone to randomly call and make him listen o silly song!

I don’t want a boyfriend. Just someone I can send cards for no particular reason. Write silly notes to. Squeeze ‘til he scream. Someone I can feel the weight on me. Mess up his hair.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want someone who can drive me crazy. Make me feel. Who makes me so mad for not calling. Who makes me so happy for texting. Just someone I can call my own.






- thank you Savi for the inspiration. -

Have You Ever Loved Someone!

Have u ever loved somebody so much
That you just couldn’t let go?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
That it hurts
And the only way to be brave was to let go?

Have u ever wanted somebody so much
The only way to cope with it was to let go?
Have u ever loved somebody so much
That you missed them that much
The only way to be brave was to let go?

Have you ever loved someone so much
That you lost yourself?
Have you ever missed someone so much
That you felt numb?
Have u ever loved someone?

Kiss Without Attachment!

Kiss without attachment.


So it’s been an age long question, can you kiss without attachment?


We’ve been told that women would never graduate from that school, but really, are men any better? When you’re in that moment, body to body, your finger tips touching, the heat of their breath on your face, your lips touch each other and you feel their heart beat against your skin, is it just a hard on?


You have someone in your arms and for a moment, you think you were the only one to have held them like that. You make love to them and you wonder who they are thinking of? You make love to someone and you wonder if it’s any good for them? You make love to them and their phone goes off and you wonder, am I the only? You tell yourself its just sex. But is it, ever, really just sex?


And then there are the little more important ones. Ones who are not just one night stands but important people who you can’t just keep your hands off. More than friends, less than lovers but, still, all that important in your life kindda ones. These situations that are mostly likely to end up in a whole big mess! Where do you draw the lines when you shack up with your friends? Someone you really adore but don’t wanna get into a whole relationship mess afraid of losing them, yet, too hot not tap that. What are the rules? Can you tell me that you can kiss without attachment? Secretly not wanting to be the only one. No jealousy.


We talk shit. We walk tall, we say we don’t care. We say it’s just sex, But when you lean down to kiss someone, hold so tight closer to your body, are you anything but vulnerable? Are you anything but just two people alone in the world? And what's sex? isn’t it an attachment right there? Honestly, we don’t go around doing that kindda stuff with anyone. We choose. We rule out. We decide. Even though we may have been some places that we may regret and never wanna talk about, there must be something that captured out eyes in the first place!



On the other hand we may walk out that room and go on with life as it was half an hour ago before you walked into that room. Sure, that it is possible to walk away from that emotional attachment and we might survive, but, dose it mean we are ever free of it? Maybe not long lasting, but are we ever free of attachments when we kiss?



It’s all so fine as long as they are vulnerable in your arms so that you get to be the hero. Maybe we just want them to stay tangled up in our messy little emotions so that we don’t have to watch them move on. Maybe it’s the self-fish little creatures in us, maybe it’s the caring little creatures in us that we don’t want the world to see. But who’d believe you, it’s just sex right? Who’s using who and who’s being used?


Does anyone see that the whole no attachment is maybe, just maybe some shield all of us wear scared to be hurt. Rejected. That it could be some silly attempt at keeping things just as they are when we all know change is inevitable? There are only ass-holes and the ones who are being used. Does anyone think for a moment that maybe, that ass-hole is scared of hurting someone but just can’t stay away from all the emotions that come over him that he can’t deny or give a name or describe! Is it wrong to be more practical and think maybe being in love is not the only reason to make love!


You can have attachments without touch, but can you touch without any attachment? Who can wear diamonds without feeling guilty for chopping of some finger of an innocent Sierra Leonian ? Who can two big macs without feeling guilty for all the calories? Who can kick a dog and not feel bad?


And then there’s the non-attached sex between exes. What other ways to spell disaster? With all that past emotional baggage and possibly some unresolved emotions of one party, this is never a good ending. This is the typical human nature with issues of letting go. Let alone to have sex, Who even remains friends after a break up? It only gets worse when one person starts dating others and finally ready to move on. Who’s gonna feel dirty and used?


Someone once told me that sex is the only honest things and love is nothing as such. But then thought to myself, I have fallen in love with people for no particular reason at all. Just for someone unknown reason, butterflies in my stomach. But I have never been sexually attracted to someone for those same reasons, they were all very carefully thought of, some certain type, for a certain walk of life, looks, height.


Now I know there are people who can eat two big macs and not put on weight, and I know people who wears diamonds not even knowing where they come from and people who only like cats. People are different. And maybe that’s the problem. While you draw rules and play the game, sometime players fall short and cheat, they try to bend the rules and the whole team gets the blame and falls apart.


And when it’s all a big damn mess and you’ve already kissed and attached what do you do. What do you do when it’s a real good friend, do you sit and let them fall through. And when you have tried all you can to keep it together, do u just give up? Is a kiss worth it all? and a suggestion that maybe kissing must stop to save whatever else that two people could become, something deeper than an orgasm and something more like friendship, is it worth silent treatment? Or should we just grow up and face the facts? It’s easy to blame everything on someone, clearly the one with no less attachments and more reality for they are the ones who seem strong. Who cares about what they feel, right? What do they know but to sex it up? Does that make you the dog who used your friend, or just more realistic that sometimes you can’t make things out of nothing, That sand castles may look damn pretty but you can’t actually live in them!


So the thing is, attachments are like the wind. There’s no basis to it, it’s just a feeling. Silly little feeling that sneaks in when you least expect it. The unknown reason you’re smiling after that one night you’ve made love to a complete stranger who have now become someone who defines a chapter of your life. And like wind, you cant control these feelings. There’s always someone who gets hurt and someone who feels used. Although it takes two, but there must always be someone to blame! So, Kiss without attachment anybody?