Faith!

So the church going, praying two times a day, go partying wearing a rosary around his neck boy walked into a room with an upside down cross. it felt weird. Evil. I thought for a minute what to say? Then I thought if I should say anything at all? It’s 21st century and everyone has the right for self-expression, it rude to question anyone’s’ artistic or in my head devilish expressions. Everytime I looked at the cross, I had images of Jesus in my head, what would he say? Would he condemn me for not proclaiming his power?

I was wearing a rosary around my neck and my friend said “that’s very offensive,” my other friend pointed at the African tribal necklace she was wearing and said “well X someone would find what you’re wearing offensive.” So faith? Does it need defending?

When the Da Vinci code was released and when it was banned I thought to myself, I believe in Jesus. He came, died on the cross and delivered what he was supposed to. It didn’t matter to me if he was married or had a child. Some one might question if it’s faith or just justification? But why should it really matter as long as he saved the world.

Faith is not just about religion. It’s faith in ourselves. In the ones we love. Faith that everything is gonna be alright. Tell me, would you rather have faith in me and keep me or doubt me and lose me? Why is it so hard to believe that I honestly care for u! I believe it’s a gift to have the power to believe in something you can’t see, touch or explain. What’s love? What good if you don’t wanna just close your eyes and just jump head first, not even knowing someone would catch you!

It’s amazing how we could get into a cab and trust a stranger with our lives. Its funny how we can pick up some guy and have a one-night stand, but when it comes to love, creeps in all the doubts. Isn’t easier when u believe in something.? When you have something to hold on to, somebody to blame. What use if we don’t have the power to believe in something we can touch. Something we can’t see. But just feel all around us. Is love that unreal? A touch that makes you feel everything’s gonna be ok. All you’ve just gotta have is some Faith-ah, faith-ah-faith-ah!

Call me crazy but I have faith in wishing on fallen eyelashes, 11:11 and totally, totally on shooting stars. And nomatter how many times I’ve been disappointed, I still have faith that as promised love will indeed conquer it all!

Faith is a gift, I believe! Sometimes to close your eyes and tell yourself that everyday is not gonna be the same. To look into the eyes of someone you love and know, they didn’t really mean to hurt you. Hold the hand of someone you love and know, goodbyes are not forever. It takes faith. I don’t know how to learn it, how to teach it or even how to preach it. It’s a wonderful gift.

We’ve all been let down and misunderstood. It’s not somuch religion but everything around us. Maybe it’s true, we just need something to hang on to, something to blame on when we screw up, but to hell with it, it feels dama good to believe. It dosen’t really matter what you believe in, Jesus or Lady Gaga, we all need something to hang onto. Something to pull us through our darkest times and without faith everything is just empty. So all I want is for you to believe. Have some faith in something. Preferably Me.
You.
And Love.

Or I'll Shoot Myself!

He held the gun to his head.
Tell me,
or I’ll shoot myself.
He was just two feet away from him.
Why didn’t he point the gun at him?
Don’t say it’s love!
Is love that strong?

It would have been so damn effective,
He would have told what he wanted to hear.
But he held the gun to his own head.
Yet, he told what he wanted to hear.
Why didn’t he let him die?
Don’t say it’s love.
Is love that strong?

What did he want to hear?
Tell me,
Or I’ll shoot myself!

I Just Want Someone!

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want somebody to stand in the rain with me. Hold my hand when waves touch my feet. Kiss me when the wind mess up my hair. Share ice cream and hug me to sleep.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want someone to watch American idol with. Just spend hours without uttering a word. Call a fool just because I want to. Someone I can send random texts to.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want someone I can wake up in the middle of the night just because I feel lonely. Ask the silliest question. To get naughty and be called good.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want someone to sit by me to all the silly chick flicks. Someone I can bug with when my best friend is being a bitch. Hide under when the whole world is a bitch. Someone to randomly call and make him listen o silly song!

I don’t want a boyfriend. Just someone I can send cards for no particular reason. Write silly notes to. Squeeze ‘til he scream. Someone I can feel the weight on me. Mess up his hair.

I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want someone who can drive me crazy. Make me feel. Who makes me so mad for not calling. Who makes me so happy for texting. Just someone I can call my own.






- thank you Savi for the inspiration. -

Have You Ever Loved Someone!

Have u ever loved somebody so much
That you just couldn’t let go?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
That it hurts
And the only way to be brave was to let go?

Have u ever wanted somebody so much
The only way to cope with it was to let go?
Have u ever loved somebody so much
That you missed them that much
The only way to be brave was to let go?

Have you ever loved someone so much
That you lost yourself?
Have you ever missed someone so much
That you felt numb?
Have u ever loved someone?

Kiss Without Attachment!

Kiss without attachment.


So it’s been an age long question, can you kiss without attachment?


We’ve been told that women would never graduate from that school, but really, are men any better? When you’re in that moment, body to body, your finger tips touching, the heat of their breath on your face, your lips touch each other and you feel their heart beat against your skin, is it just a hard on?


You have someone in your arms and for a moment, you think you were the only one to have held them like that. You make love to them and you wonder who they are thinking of? You make love to someone and you wonder if it’s any good for them? You make love to them and their phone goes off and you wonder, am I the only? You tell yourself its just sex. But is it, ever, really just sex?


And then there are the little more important ones. Ones who are not just one night stands but important people who you can’t just keep your hands off. More than friends, less than lovers but, still, all that important in your life kindda ones. These situations that are mostly likely to end up in a whole big mess! Where do you draw the lines when you shack up with your friends? Someone you really adore but don’t wanna get into a whole relationship mess afraid of losing them, yet, too hot not tap that. What are the rules? Can you tell me that you can kiss without attachment? Secretly not wanting to be the only one. No jealousy.


We talk shit. We walk tall, we say we don’t care. We say it’s just sex, But when you lean down to kiss someone, hold so tight closer to your body, are you anything but vulnerable? Are you anything but just two people alone in the world? And what's sex? isn’t it an attachment right there? Honestly, we don’t go around doing that kindda stuff with anyone. We choose. We rule out. We decide. Even though we may have been some places that we may regret and never wanna talk about, there must be something that captured out eyes in the first place!



On the other hand we may walk out that room and go on with life as it was half an hour ago before you walked into that room. Sure, that it is possible to walk away from that emotional attachment and we might survive, but, dose it mean we are ever free of it? Maybe not long lasting, but are we ever free of attachments when we kiss?



It’s all so fine as long as they are vulnerable in your arms so that you get to be the hero. Maybe we just want them to stay tangled up in our messy little emotions so that we don’t have to watch them move on. Maybe it’s the self-fish little creatures in us, maybe it’s the caring little creatures in us that we don’t want the world to see. But who’d believe you, it’s just sex right? Who’s using who and who’s being used?


Does anyone see that the whole no attachment is maybe, just maybe some shield all of us wear scared to be hurt. Rejected. That it could be some silly attempt at keeping things just as they are when we all know change is inevitable? There are only ass-holes and the ones who are being used. Does anyone think for a moment that maybe, that ass-hole is scared of hurting someone but just can’t stay away from all the emotions that come over him that he can’t deny or give a name or describe! Is it wrong to be more practical and think maybe being in love is not the only reason to make love!


You can have attachments without touch, but can you touch without any attachment? Who can wear diamonds without feeling guilty for chopping of some finger of an innocent Sierra Leonian ? Who can two big macs without feeling guilty for all the calories? Who can kick a dog and not feel bad?


And then there’s the non-attached sex between exes. What other ways to spell disaster? With all that past emotional baggage and possibly some unresolved emotions of one party, this is never a good ending. This is the typical human nature with issues of letting go. Let alone to have sex, Who even remains friends after a break up? It only gets worse when one person starts dating others and finally ready to move on. Who’s gonna feel dirty and used?


Someone once told me that sex is the only honest things and love is nothing as such. But then thought to myself, I have fallen in love with people for no particular reason at all. Just for someone unknown reason, butterflies in my stomach. But I have never been sexually attracted to someone for those same reasons, they were all very carefully thought of, some certain type, for a certain walk of life, looks, height.


Now I know there are people who can eat two big macs and not put on weight, and I know people who wears diamonds not even knowing where they come from and people who only like cats. People are different. And maybe that’s the problem. While you draw rules and play the game, sometime players fall short and cheat, they try to bend the rules and the whole team gets the blame and falls apart.


And when it’s all a big damn mess and you’ve already kissed and attached what do you do. What do you do when it’s a real good friend, do you sit and let them fall through. And when you have tried all you can to keep it together, do u just give up? Is a kiss worth it all? and a suggestion that maybe kissing must stop to save whatever else that two people could become, something deeper than an orgasm and something more like friendship, is it worth silent treatment? Or should we just grow up and face the facts? It’s easy to blame everything on someone, clearly the one with no less attachments and more reality for they are the ones who seem strong. Who cares about what they feel, right? What do they know but to sex it up? Does that make you the dog who used your friend, or just more realistic that sometimes you can’t make things out of nothing, That sand castles may look damn pretty but you can’t actually live in them!


So the thing is, attachments are like the wind. There’s no basis to it, it’s just a feeling. Silly little feeling that sneaks in when you least expect it. The unknown reason you’re smiling after that one night you’ve made love to a complete stranger who have now become someone who defines a chapter of your life. And like wind, you cant control these feelings. There’s always someone who gets hurt and someone who feels used. Although it takes two, but there must always be someone to blame! So, Kiss without attachment anybody?

Nineteen!

At 19
It’s hard for you compensate and understand
And rationalize the 23 year old me
To you
I’m just ignorant and blind
Someone who keeps breaking your heart

At 19
You can’t see what I see
That you don’t even know what you want
That you will change
And you might break my heart
At 19
You can’t see I’m afraid too

At 19
You don’t understand
That once I was 19
And I’ve lived through changes to see
What lies ahead of you
I know u think you got it all figured out
But you don’t have a clue

At 19
I’m nothing but an ass hole to you
I can’t wait for you to grow up
And realize that what I did was out of love
Hoping to save whatever we share, for years to come
At 19
Nothing of this matters to you
But at 23, years after 19
You look at life completely differently
And I can’t wait for you
To be 23 and see life that way

At 23
To know that I’m not an asshole
And I understand
At 19,
Everything is against you
But sometime you can’t see
How much I adore you.
Wait and see…

Nothing!

I’m not sorry
About the time I’ve lost
I’m just scared
It will be five years from now
And I’ll still be in love with you

There’s a whole lot of history
And so little memories

I’m so grateful
Of all the lessons I’ve learned
I’m just mad
I’m willing to make those same mistakes
Just to still be in love with you

There’s a whole lot history
And love I couldn’t give to you

I’m not masochistic
Just numb after all those cold night
I’m just broken
But I’ll lick my wounds and heal myself
Longing to still be in love with you

there’s Whole lot of history
Of
Whole lot of…