So love. It’s a bitch but I love, but we love! Since we turned 14 or 12 there’s the constant urge to be with someone like our biological clock is ticking and 2012 is actually a reality. Maybe it is but why are we so afraid be alone and take sometime to love ourselves, maybe get to know the freak inside? And what’s the big deal about “the one.” What if “the one” is already dead? God forbid! Can it be we are so foolishly blinded by all the fairy tales that we don’t see the reality before us? I mean aren’t we all waiting for superman to save us, all dressed up his blue suit, underwear over his pants and all that we almost don’t notice who save us everyday dressed in jeans and t-shirt?
Maybe we are just ungrateful creatures. I mean the more we love someone the more they tend to love us less. Maybe it’s our fault, the more we make them feel special the less they think of us. We love their imperfections so perfectly that they seem to forget what we love them for. It’s easy to be taken for granted. Once you fall it doesn’t matter what they do, you cant help but keep your heart beating for them. But I wonder what we do it for? Sometimes in think we put ourselves through all that pain not so-much for them but just to prove something to ourselves. It’s almost as if we don’t wanna disappoint ourselves. Look like a loser. Defeated! So we hold on. Its messed up. But it’s true. We try to so hard to prove something to ourselves that we drift so far away from the truth. We start loving a dream far from reality. We make love to what could have been when truth is right in our faces. We fools. We lovers!
There’s nothing worse than giving somebody the power over you. That’s where it all begins. You give them the power to love you; You give them power to hurt you. Power to tell you what to do. Power to tell you what to say. And when you love someone what’s so hard about staying home on a Friday night right? Yes, you give them the power to love; you give them the power to say good-bye. We all have to decide what we deserve in life. Throw in some self-esteem, some self- respect. Love only makes it hard but when you know what you deserve in life, its unlikely you sit and ponder over someone who doesn’t even care enough to show you little as some respect and to care enough about the little tears you cry. It’s not easy as it seems. Somedays it gets the best of you but as long as you know you deserve better, you will have hope. And its ok, it’s not about forgetting all the nice moments you shared. It’s ok, go ahead and remember and always think of them fondly, as an asshole!
It was all my fault. I let you slip through the ‘cracks of my broken heart.’ So many things I did wrong. Like loving you unconditionally, making you feel whole, loving your imperfections so perfectly making you feel too perfect that you actually really thought you were. Wrong sometimes we can be! And I let you push me around, throw me around trying to change me. It was all my fault, blame me. I loved you day and night. I gave you everything and more, you must have thought you’re worth it, that you must be doing something right to deserve it all. I let myself seem so small before you so you’d feel magnificent; didn’t I make you feel all things wonderful? Most of all, I thought you’d love me through whatever, my mistakes. All my fault!
And tell me since when do we talk economics when it comes to love. Since when do we think bot opportunity cost before we fall in love? Are we even talking bot love anymore? Isn’t it supposed to be I will do anything for you, I will die for you and fight for you or have we finally grown some brains in our hearts? So I started to wonder, how masochist we are. How much pleasure we find in our pain and how beautifully we feed that pain. Screaming and fighting, kissing and making up. Love is like that. Maybe our problem is we concentrate so much on happy ever after that we forget to live the moment. Maybe love, we have to play by the rules. But what’s so much about love in it then? Isn’t it supposed to be unconditional and mutual? An erection doesn’t mean affection. Emotions don’t mean adoration. It’s the difference between playing and cheating. Going and leaving. Being alive and simply really living. Why can’t it be all ill die for you, kill for you, ill love you no-matter what? like i do, regardless. I know a douche when I fall in love with one. But my heart hates it. My hearts loathes me. All the pain I put it through. If I was my heart, I would have already quit it. But love is amazing. The feeling is unshakable. It’s beautiful. Like that unexpected rain on a summer day. Raining dreams and hopes with thunder and lightning. But its not thunder, its me screaming I love you.
It’s weird what will bring back the memories. A hug that takes you back and bring right back in to the moment. A song that tears you apart and make you smile. A lover who hurt you and make you stronger. It a circle, its all about how fast you complete it. A memory that won’t fade, a song that won’t end. People walk away, they leave space for others to walk in. We get hurt, we get burnt, and we heal. We learn to appreciate the love we get, things we take for granted everyday but mean the world to us. Someone to talk to, someone to hold on to, someone who can make you feel worthy. No matter what we do, no matter who we are, it’s not about diamonds or pearls, fortune or fame, sometimes all that matters is a touch and a touch only. Someone to look into your eyes and see into your heart. Sit in silence but speak million words. Just sit beside you and understand you. No words spoken but still having the best time. The ocean, rush of the waves, calmness of the depth!
Cos in the end nothing really matters... it dosent matter if they like Taylor swift or not. If they can keep up with our friends. It doesn’t matter if they have done the whole of foot ball team; all that matters is how much you love them. For no reason or rhyme and everything else is just perfectly elastic. Because sometimes it doesn’t matter what you have, what you’ve lost, what’s at risk, we all wanna be loved. We all wanna be held. Told that everything will be alright. Some security that we are not alone. Something that will make everything alright. A hug that last a moment too long! Opportunity cost? Doesn’t matter!
